Rajkumar Da – The super hero from Assam 

Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.” 

― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

Rajkumar Thakuria or Selim da from the cult “Terrorist enter my house” is on a mission. The insane titles of his dream ventures such as “writer becomes fighter and criminal hunter” or that of “Animal Hunter” or the more recent “ Super master” proves that he is someone from the outer space. The trash that he churns out and it does appear that he is making these films out of his own expenses; singularly points out that he wants us to accept him as a sort of hero. Well, at least, to an extent, he has succeeded that no matter what the story line is or the D-grade production values of his; there are people who indeed watch his movies. What more, these movies do get uploaded in to YouTube within a short span of time and in no time, it gets a huge following. 

Mr. Rajkumar’s success or “suksesh”( most of the characters in his film use this word) lies in his ability to offer next door guys a chance to act as villains or henchmen of the villains, with toy guns that spew smoke out of nowhere. There’s always a bit of glory in being the villain! His love interest too have an uncanny habit of choosing man who are twice their age. As for the man himself, who is more often dubbed as the Chuck Norris of Assam, his long hair and the protruding stomach along with the dazzling shirts and tight jeans that he wears makes him an unique character. 

The dialogues penned by him will put most of the dialogue writers to shame. At the same time, the music and the lyrics of the song are equally flabbergasting. Other than these, the other aspect that stands out is his dance moves, which makes Dharmendra in comparison to be a great dancer :p

Since he is not in any position to invest a lot on the special effects; he then makes use of the stock footage of Hollywood and Bollywood films, with cars flying around. Yes, at least he gets to bash the terrorist for reel J. As I was going through one of his latest releases” Super master”, I just came across a scene, which happened to be the actual footage from the Boston bombings of 2013. Of course it was sickening; but maybe Mr. Rajkumar da of all people never really knew the significance of that particular footage. 

Superheroes can be brash and they do love to sport their funkier gazettes and their state of the art vehicles. But our very own Rajkumar da, being the simple and honest man who has a lot of issues to tackle makes use of the grand old Maruti 800. 

As long as the likes of Rajkumar Thakuria is there, at least for us in Assam, we don’t really have much to worry. Just waiting eagerly for his next release. 

Till then : Hasta la Vista – Rajkumar da. 

Sattire at its best. All the contents are sourced from Indian Express and are clearly meant to  coincide with some events that took place, prior to the release of #EkVillain. 

The reporter met Suarez at the premiere and what he has to say about the movie.... :)

Next, he met a film analyst, critic and actor (in his own words) – a man who actually had a cameo in Ek Villain – KRK.

Next, he confronted a decidedly unhappy Rajinikanth.

z

Finally, he met with one man at the eye of a self-created storm, the Union Health Minister of India.

Watch Ek Villain for a masterful performance by Riteish Deshmukh, or to escape the fate of watching Humshakals.

- By Vinit and Antara for Laugh Out Loud Ventures

The link : http://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/bollywood/the-tongue-in-cheek-ek-villain-review/

 The Proud scouts and the Para-Gliding episode

When you are part of a school that is known for its strict and disciplined conduct, you do tend to follow what you are expected of. Yes, in St. Mary’s School, we were meek. Any sort of rebellion on our part, which included writing love letters, using the most common assamese expletive, the usual fights between two factions over trivial matters and so on was crushed with the whip of a cane, which used to lie in the corner of a wooden shelf in the principals room. One fellow even leaked in front of our eyes, when we were summoned for some minor mischief.

But in K.V. Baragolai, life was easy and different. You don’t want to be in the classes, then bunk it. One particular teacher would even ask my mates to leave the class, if they were not interested. They would leave the class after the roll call.  But that’s irrelevant in context of the topic that I am mentioning.

The adventure of a lifetime

I always wanted to be a part of the scouts and in my new school, right after my admission, I went to meet Sonowal sir, who was our scout master. After getting my uniform and the other knick–knacks, I did get to experience some of the best moments of my life.  The real high came when we were asked to join a paragliding session, an initiative being undertaken by Indian Army at the Ledo air base. However, the condition was that only those students who weighed more than 40 kgs were supposed to qualify. This was notified to us on the assembly by none other than Noopur Talwar, who was our senior at school was equally good at sports and academics.

As I was slightly obese and least athletic, I was selected. And so was Ricky and his brother Digvijoyda along with Appa Rao, Ajay, Badri, Chandu , Showbhik, Debajit Singpho, Gautam and some more guys.  We were briefed that we had to be at the school gate by 6:00 in the morning. Since we were taking part in an event that was sponsored by the government of India, we were told that we would be marked as present for the day. Well, for a change, you do get to experience something out of the ordinary and that too without having to attend school, what more do you need. 

 Early next morning, near the school gate, we found a Shaktimaan truck belonging to the army waiting for us. Upon reaching the venue, we were provided with refreshments. After warming up with some P.T, the officer in charge demonstrated us how to go about, with regards to the Para gliding.

A lot of my mates got injured and bruised their ankles in the exercise. What can you expect, when you are carrying a huge load of a parachute in your back and you are being pulled by a Maruti Gypsy, so that the parachute can get the necessary drag to pull you up! Once the parachute pulls up, the guys would stop running and with insufficient air, they would fall down on the hard tarmac and I will tell you there is nothing more painful than that.

When it was my turn, after putting on the safety harness and when the due signal was given, I started running as if my  a&% was on fire. I had made up my mind and no matter what, I would continue to run. After a few seconds or so, I saw the ground beneath me vanishing and my friends appeared more like lily-puts J

Overall, I did have a nice flight and when you are up on the air and you do look below with the adrenaline pumping, you certainly feel like being on the top of the world. I shouted and smiled and once when you are descending and caught by few army soldiers, the reality dawns upon you. That you had done what appeared impossible and the “Shabasshi” from the army guys do make you feel proud.

A little red certificate in my home from the army still bears a testimony of a wonderful day that we had, when we were on the verge of manhood and as proud scouts, we had accomplished an adventure of a lifetime.

Was Wise Imran there too??

      

The Kendriya Vidyalaya Days –II

When threatened verbally with dire consequences by my seniors, I had no option but to take part in the competition. But my seniors had overestimated my capabilities. I have trouble speaking fluent English and even now I do stammer a lot. But back then when I did so, it was somewhat gibberish. As to prepare a 500 word speech, I ran off to seek help from M.S.Rao sir.  Till then, I had stood in front of the audience only once and that too during a “Bihu Function” where in I had to sing a Bihu Song and it was quite embarrassing. The least I mention about this, the better it would be.

So, after our classes were over and on a very hot afternoon in a humid Saturday in our very old school auditorium, I went up to the stage. I began with “Respected Principal sir, honorable teachers and my dear friends, today I am going to speak a few lines about Pollution. Pollution, as you know is of three types:-

·       

-       Air pollution

·      Water Pollution

·      Soil pollution

Guess what, I forgot the rest of the lines. My nerves were cracking and with a blurred vision, I thought of giving it up and yes I froze. There was absolute silence and as I didn’t know what to do, I just said Thank you and left the podium in haste.

 Few point I would like to mention here. When you are speaking on to a microphone, the way your voice echoes is something of an experience in itself. This is why; it becomes necessary to be articulate. I learned it from my juniors, who I found that they spoke with an assured calmness. There is no shame in it and it did help me. Habib, Satyajeet , Deepa and  Devashree; they were just fantastic.

Years later, once again, I found myself in the same podium in an extempore speech competition held in the senior category. As I was prepared, this time I did manage to win the third prize. J

Remembering my school days at Kendriya Vidyalaya Baragolai

The K.V. Days:  Breaking in to the mould

Bharat Ka Swarnim Gaurav 
Kendriya Vidyalaya Laayega.. 
Takshashila, Nalanda Ka Itihaas Lout Kar  Aayega..."

I still don’t have any clue, as to why my father insisted on putting me in to Kendriya Vidyalaya, Baragolai. As a matter of fact, I was more than happy in St. Mary’s School. Some of my friends with whom I appeared for the entrance test included Deepjyoti Gogoi and Uttam Kumar Sinha, who were my classmates from my convent school days. Although I do clearly remember that I had fairly cleared the arithmetic and general knowledge papers; I was in doubt about the Hindi. At St .Mary’s I had opted for Assamese and all that I knew about Hindi was generally sound enough to help me go through the popular comics of that time.

But, destiny had something for me, I was accepted.

Well, after completing my vacation, on my very first day, there was utter confusion. Most of the guys I knew from my St. Mary’s who had left had joined K.V. and were quite happy to find me. I was more inclined to be with my friends in section A and instead, I was thrown in to the section B.

On the other hand, being a St.Marian, there was some amount of pride in me and I did initially look down upon the others as lesser mortals.  However, now I realize that most of my friends from my section; they did provide me all the support and embraced me as one among them. They were simple folks with a golden heart. Chandan, Ajay Rawat, Murali, Md. Usman Ali, Kamesh and most of the guys; they provided me with all the help and support and I do owe them a lot.

The assembly session lasted about 30 minutes and included the prayer, student pledge, thought of the day, news, quiz and finally the national anthem. This was something which was entirely alien to me.

Once my seniors from Raman House found out that I am from an English medium school, on my very first week, I was asked to participate in a competition. I was given topic “pollution” and it was required by me to speak something about the menace and how we can help to clean the environment. When I told Alok and Somnath bhaiya that I am not quite comfortable, they threatened me with dire consequences. 

( to be continued) 

A Long distance call to Sadiya

My uncle Monty Mama is a businessman. Unlike my other two maternal uncles who are established and are in to medical profession, he somehow was a bit unlucky and so he did what he was best at. At that time, besides owning a press, he had a PCO that offered conference calling facility, which was right near the Amolapotty Bus stand, just across the road. It was doing quite well then and during my vacation, most of the days, I had to fill in. Of course, I would be handsomely paid for my services and yes, a number of girls from Government Girls Higher Secondary School would hang around there for the majestic Alu -chat, Misal chana and Pakodis. Well, I am slightly deviating from the incident. 

The Lady arrives 

Normally, during the peak hours i.e. from 9 in the morning to 8 in the evening, STD calls would cost a lot. So, most of the customers would prefer to call their respective family in the early morning or after 8 in the evening. On that particular day, the machine which controls the call rate and prints out the bill was a bit jumpy and was not working well. After consulting with Taj-da, who was an expert, he told me that there is no such issue. Just switch the machine off for 5mins and once you restart, it will be fine again. I was not an expert and once I did it, it was working well.

Until that lady from Dhemaji who came up to make a call to Sadiya. Back then Sadiya probably had the worst BSNL service and to reach a number, one had to continuously dial at least for one hour. She must have tried for 10mins, when she got connected. The Beep in the machine meant that everything was perfectly ok. Now the pulse at which the machine calculates the overall cost is something that comes in built and and we have nothing to do with. Although, some PCO owners, in order to increase the profit margin are known to do some minor tweaking. However on that day, within a span of 60 seconds, her call rate was increasing at insane speed. “Tumaar Bhaal” “ Moi Dibrugarh paluhi” “ Bhaat Khuwa Naai” “ godhulike Paamgoi” – just in these 4 lines, the bill showing at the overhead display was Rs 45.60. By the time, she had disengaged, it was Rs 50.00. Wow it was a big amount then. 

After looking at the bill, the lady in Mekhela Sador started something like how is this possible? You have manipulated the machine. I am never going to pay that money and all that. I too was finding it tough to explain her. Then something came up in my mind. I told her “Heri nohoi Sadiya loi phoneor wireor kidal Bramhaputra khon paar hoi jaabo laage nohoi, taaku tole tole, heykarone pulse rate tu olop besi…Wireless koriboi pora naai je. Aapuni jody biswas nokhore, rasstar hipare Hegun Masteoror PCO tu asse. Taku hudi sabo pare”. I gambled by mentioning Hegun master and yes, he was my nemesis and the competitor. 

By the time, I had finished these lines, a crisp Rs.50 note was lying on the table and the lady had vanished. From that day onwards, I made it a point to refuse customers who came down to make calls to Sadiya.

Para-Normal

The Haunting near St. Mary’s School 

In the month of April, the year was 2005, when almost every town and villages in Assam organizes Bihu , me and my brother @Saurav along with my friends made a plan to attend the function in Ledo. As the cultural program was supposed to start at 11:30 PM, we decided to start late. It was a Sunday and as there were guest visiting us, Papa had bought a duck for the feast. After finishing the dinner and bidding adieu to the guest, When it was time to go o the function, Maa as usual started her tirade about staying late in the night, and how I was corrupting my brother with the “Mod and Bhaang” and the fact that I am a good for nothing . Papa never said anything and he just handed over the keys of our beloved Bajaj 4 stroke Chetak scooter. 

My friends had already left and I though t we would join them at the Bihu function. So, off we started. After sharing the customary Pan and the Wills Navy Cut at Ranjitda’s shop in Tinali, we slowly started, enjoying the cool spring air amidst the customary grunt of the four stroke engine. It seemed as our scooter was not in the mood to start and was providing us the ominous signs, about what to expect. Now in Margherita, it rains almost every other day. But it was quite clear with the full moon and the stars twinkling. 

Once we started climbing the road leading towards the St. Mary’ school, all of a sudden it became dark. There was no traffic and we were all alone. After crossing the famous “ Momo House” the road bends a little with a sharp curve. Of course, the area does appear to be spooky and with almost no traffic at night, we were practically alone.

What we saw next???

Well, there is a small bridge and there in the middle of nowhere, there was a lady sitting with her back behind us. The scooter was being driven by Moon and he asked “দাদা আগত সেইয়া কি বস্তু বে !!! স্কুটাৰখন ৰখাই দিঊ নেকি????”

I practically shouted “Don’t stop and just accelerate”. Someone had advised me if you come across such things in the middle of the night, you must never look back. I just did that. On reaching the ground and parking the scooter, we were indeed clueless. Then I met my friends and they were practically shaking. After recounting the events to them, I came to know that they too had seen the “lady “in the exact condition at the same spot. For your knowledge, my friends had started for the function at around 9:30 pm and as for us, we did at 10:20 to precise. The time difference of more than 1 hour was baffling. And what would a lady in the middle of the night do and that too, on a bridge. 

Once the function ended, we came across a large number of groups on the way to Margherita. Everyone agreed that in that particular stretch of road near St. Mary's School, bad things do come up. So, honking our horns, no blasting would be more precise; we raced back and this time, there was no such haunting lady.

Mending fences

To keep a word 
He uttered a lie
When he didn’t
He became a liar 

All in good sense never prevail
Fear of losing always rival
The good intentions swept away
Shattering dreams like wet clay

To be born again like a phoenix
And to rise over the odds
Is what a man must do
But destiny chooses otherwise

As you stand alone
Like a mute spectator
The world around you breaks apart
Cursing you for all the lies
makes no sense;
for what you do is not what really matters
for what you bring is what concerns.

Its not me that need to change,
Its the world rather who lies at fault.

Audit Colony - 1

 From where it all started 

Somewhere in the middle of June ’02, we had to shift to Margherita. Back then we were staying at Baragolai. Once we shifted to our new quarters, I could see some amount of optimism in my mothers face. Of course she had to commute daily to her school, but that was not much of an issue. A nice cozy house built during the Pre –Independence era was our new abode. I got a room of my own. The locals did seem nice, but somewhere deep down I felt being out of place. Of course, the life style and the living habit was more urban, even though the distance between Margherita and Baragolai was nothing more than 4 kms. Me and my brother though knew some of the boys, but we never became a part of the group initially. 

I still remember spending the new year eve watching television with my brother and the boys having a wild party next to us. Maybe we were not forthcoming and to an extent, yes, we were not invited. Although I was staying in Guwahati and most of the boys of the group stayed there for education and other opportunities, there was never any bonding. 

Slowly my parents were picking up their life. Papa bought a new scooter. Mom was as always busy. We continued to move on. Suddenly all of it changed. The change was Sir..my friend, my guru…everything. It is through him that i came across some fabulous guys. You see once you get to know each other, it does not take too much time to become lifelong friends. There was Raja- our man with all the right news and the sinful gossips. Partha- the man with the high ambitions and he still is one hell of a guy. Boney- the engineer per se and a great mate. Maina – as always on his Blue TVS Victor. Sanju- the man with the light and Papu- who passed away. 

Aita- next door and Ritu da zooming ahead on his LML NV. All amazing characters and good human being. 

We used to spend half our evenings in Rakhalov – sipping Vodka and yes of course Baluba Rum- that used to cost Rs 70/- a bottle. We were boys who became reluctant Man and we do continue to cherish those precious moments.

As for Sir he is still there. We don’t talk much now but he is still an absolute rock star. 

Extremities it is

A desperate attempt to pen a few lines, long time back. Quite amateurish.  Now, can't make out the head or tail of it. 

Lunatic vibes

I am a self made man, waiting for the opportunities,
I do not care what you assume,you can call me opportunist
I do not follow the rules but make the rules
As I am a self made man

Emotions elude me distract me
I am not a revolutionary nor an illusionist
I do not thrive on religion, race caste or creed
I am a simple human with complex issues
As I am a self made man

I hate being typecast
 I am not an issue
Nor I am downtrodden
I am a free will person
As u all know
I am a self made man

Borders do not mean anything to me
 It does not exist for me
I am neither insane nor translucent
I am the eternal and the supernatural
I am a self made man……
And i am me....

Excavating Happiness out of Darkness

The Gate to Valhalla or something like that !!

Baragolai Colliery - A once prosperous small mining town, teeming with people from the various parts of the country. It is chaotic and horrible. At the same time, I owe a lot to this place. It is from this nondescript place  that  i get my cosmopolitan personality. it can be jovial and depressing, depending on your mood. 

To some it is cursed and jinxed. As for me, it gave a life of freedom and sense of belonging. 

Audit Colony- II

This time around, during the vacation, I had been fortunate to meet some of my old mates as well as some of my ex-flames: P 

Most of them are working and are well established. They do have a loving family with kids growing up. Even though the colony looks all the same, the people living there have changed. All those young boys are now ready to take our place. Yes, there were occasions when I did feel like an outsider, but that’s normal. It is also a fact that we are getting old, as Raja said to me while we had a chat near the command and control center. 

Ohh, How times change? Once we thought we were the conquerors, but now we can only move around carrying the excess baggage of our distant past. We have our own set of priorities. Amidst all the chaos, we still know how to enjoy. Partho, as usual never turned up and Amar was just going bonkers over the next supply of “Maal ” and what about Sanju…he is getting bald. While Bonny with his Red Wagon R played on Baby Doll and took me on a wild ride in the middle of the night, at a time, when I was just in my Ganjee and Boxer. This is what friends are meant for and we will laugh again and cherish the moment and the “Paas tokia” jibe once we meet, without having to worry about our burgeoning issues i.e. wife, kids, daal, chaawal and the next dose of Maal. 

Highlights: 

Amar's description of the kicks that he would get once he gets back home, the boat ride at Digboi park and Bonny as usual the Seniraam of the group. As for me, I was just there soaking the atmosphere.

The "Sulai Diaries"

The part of the world that I am from is famous for this vicious nectar. Before the economy was opened for the likes of Dewar and Jim Beam or that of the India Made Foreign Liquor, The drink Sulai, having a distinct pungent smell and made from a heady concoction of molasses, and what not had been ruling the roost. In the glory days of Baragolai Colliery, when coal productionwas up and most of the miners who used to work in the mine shafts for prolonged duration, Sulai was the source of their energy. As the dependence on this alcoholic beverage grew, the illicit trade became a sure shot way to reap huge money. 

One popular legend among us then was about an incident involving the lathi welding Assam Police. The Police authorities once realizing that there were many illegal “Sulai Bhattis” or distilleries came down with full force in the middle of night, so as to keep the growing menace under tight leash. By then, there were a few isolated incidents, whereby consuming this drink, a few unfortunate individuals lost their lives.

There was one such distillery that was being operated by a woman. Sensing that the police had already arrived and since she had invested a lot, a wild idea dawned upon her. To save her investment and her sole livelihood, she came out, tore her clothes and started dancing around the coal fire. Such was the intensity of her dance, the entire police force were astounded and shocked. Assuming that the lady had been possessed by some devil and fearing that they might be cursed, they abandoned their mission and ran back to their jeep. 

Yours truly had a rare chance of having Sulai and going by the experience, I thought my whole intestine would come out. I am not endorsing Sulai nor do I have the intention to popularize it. It can be best described as slow poison that sucks up the very essence of life and slowly eats in to your body’s defense mechanism. I have seen so many deaths of people whom I knew and the only common factor in them was “Sulai addiction”. It is not good for your health and most important of all, it is the family that suffers most.